Brain on Fire

Spoiler alert: It is only during sanity when you can feel yourself letting go -- when you are insane you can't tell the difference.

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A true and haunting memoir by a young writer who thought her life would end, sounds interesting. And I can promise it was. This book tells the story of young Susannah who's brain slowly begins slipping away from her - and then all at once. It takes many different doctors to diagnose her and when they finally found the cause - that her brain was literally "on fire," she learned that she was only the 217th ever diagnosed with this ( anti-NMDA-receptor autoimmune encephalitis). Many other young women that had suffered the same thing and been treated incorrectly and since the publication of this book, (and groundbreaking research) the number diagnosed has doubled. In addition to being disturbing and a true story, this book was both informative and eye-opening. I'll admit that some of the medical aspects went over my head, but I also learned some new ones as well. (fun fact: the hippocampus holds short term memories in your brain etc.) The story was written after Ms. Cahalan recovered from her long stretch enduring hell -- much of which she couldn't remember. It took extensive research through hospital entries, video recordings, and diaries of loved ones to learn what she had become, and even then could never truly grasp it. This story was beyond scary at points, as you watched a bright young girl enter a downward spiral she could not escape. However, that's not to say there weren't silver linings in there somewhere. For example, Susannah's boyfriend Stephen sticks with her through the good and the bad -- and it gets terrible sometimes. He is always there for her no matter what. She says at one point (during her madness) that as they were walking to the car she considered breaking up with him - after all who would want to be with someone who wasn't mentally sound. But then, she decides against it because she realizes she loves him, and through all of this he still loved her. Susannah's family also comes together greatly as a result. Her younger brother, who she reveals became more like a big brother, is a source of laughter and comfort for those days she couldn't leave the couch. Her divorced parents work together to bring their daughter back, connected in anxiety at least. Her friends also are there for her. Some visit and make her laugh while others hug her and comfort her, knowing that she isn't the same. Overall this book was an intense book of survival and persistence, but also of love and gratitude. At the end of the book Cahalan so poignantly states...."Someone once asked, 'If you could take it all back, would you?' At the time I didn't know. Now I do. I wouldn't take that terrible experience back for anything in the world. Too much light has come out of my darkness." And that right there is the true beauty of this story. The light that can come from anyone's darkness.

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Favorite quotes: “To move forward, you have to leave the past behind” ~~ “We are, in the end, a sum of our parts, and when the body fails, all the virtues we hold dear go with it.”~~ “Sometimes, Just when we need them, life wraps metaphors up in little bows for us. When you think all is lost, the things you need the most return unexpectedly.” -- “No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness,” Aristotle said.” ~~ “The brain is a monstrous, beautiful mess.” ~~ “There are few other experiences that can bring two people closer than staring death in the face. ”